Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
