Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
