Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
