So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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