Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
