Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
