so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
