uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
