see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
