If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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