Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
