i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
