the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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