i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
