I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
