Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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