I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
