Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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