i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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