Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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