Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
