wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
