she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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