I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
