omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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