Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
