the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
