Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
