I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
