season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
