Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
