somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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