I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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