porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
