is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
