Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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