I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
