Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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