Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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