Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
