are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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