I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
