Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
