It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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