College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
