I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if only i could text you this smell
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
