I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
