I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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