So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
