Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
