being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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