Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
