fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
