idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
