At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
