apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
