nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
